Process

So, it occurred to me as I was saying that I might step back from writing the lustier posts for a bit, that you might wonder a bit about my process for writing you.

I guess the truth is… I don't really have a process. Each letter comes into being in a different way. Some, I don't even know what I'm going to write, I just know I'm feeling overwhelmed and I need to get it out somehow and even though you're literally right there, 1/10th of a mile away, I know I can't just go tell you these things, especially when we're not the only ones home… So I just open up my editor and start writing… no planning, no forethought. Just… whatever comes to mind.

NGL, some of my favorite letters I think I've ever written you were done this way. I Do. If it were easy…. Sex. Automatic. And, of course, my all-time highest upvoted reddit post ever, from any account, by… like… a lot, My God, Your Ass (I still find it ridiculously amusing that reddit liked that one so well… what can I say… I was feeling… inspired). But, really… if there are any letters you can think of that really moved you… it's a very good chance they were in this category. My heart just seems to express itself best when it's allowed to just… be free.

But some, the idea is kicking around in my head for a while… sometimes a few hours, maybe a few days… I guess I have an idea of what it is that I want to say to you, but it takes a bit longer to figure out how to actually put the words together. The Ratchet. In Another Universe. Countdown. And of course most recently, Instructions. A few others, I'm sure. These ones… aren't as good, in my opinion. Oh, they are the best expression of my love that I could form at the time, as all of my letters to you have been. And… it's not to say I don't like them, I do. It's just… there does seem to be a clear difference between the ones I deliberate over and the ones that just spill out of me. And the ones that just spill out of me are almost universally more powerful, more raw, more… just… more. They get closer to the core of how I feel about you.

Which… let's face it… one of the reasons that I've spilled so many words about it is because there just aren't words to describe it. I have tried and tried and tried and tried, and I'm going to keep trying and trying and trying and trying. But the love I've formed for you, ⭐️… It's indescribably powerful. A force of nature unto itself. Sometimes I feel like I could shift the very underpinings of the universe to try to get myself closer to you, laws of nature be damned.

Sometimes, I think I already have.

But what I was really thinking about was how I suggested I might step back from the lustful posts for a bit. Though, even as I said it, I hedged. Because the truth is, I don't even ever know what's going come out of these fingertips before I start. Even the ones that are planned.

There is a letter I consider one of the sexiest I have ever written for you, very possibly the sexiest. But, that's not what I set out to write. Not at all. It was around this time last year, and I was missing you… just like I'm missing you now. And I just… I just wanted to hug you. We had never hugged yet at that point (and still have only once ever… maybe normalizing hugging within our friend group wouldn't be the worst idea in the world?). And I had been thinking for days about how I just wanted to do that. Just… hold you in my arms, even if only for a moment. And, so I started a letter. It was going to be wistful. Full of longing. Honestly, it was probably going to be a bit sad.

But that's not what came out. Oh, no. Not at all. Not even close.

So, yeah… I can say that I'm backing away from writing you lustful letters for a little while… focusing myself on the love aspect. And I can even mean it.

But I can make no guarantee that when I sit down to write, no matter what it is I have in mind to tell you, that I'm not going to end up describing the Next time I see you….

Because, ⭐️… you inspire me in so many ways. And some of those ways are decidedly less pure than others.

I just hope you don't mind.

Yours,
♒️